Girl’s Best Friend?

 From my Lovestruck column at Heart & Soul Magazine's website ...

Is being in a relationship like riding a bike?

I was catching up with my cousin last week, who is probably just like one of your cousins. She’s the gorgeous, successful, fly and single one, with enough ambition to share.

After getting her career to where she wants it and hearing her biological clock get a little louder (her words: “I feel my eggs starting to dry up. I’m not Halle Berry!”), she is ready and hoping for a serious relationship that leads to more.

With her own starting five of men to take her out, meeting guys isn’t the problem.

But wanting to actually share her time and space with someone? An issue.

She’s gotten so used to doing her own thing and having the place to herself, she’s looking at her watch and ready to show any suitor the door before the nightly news starts.

So she developed the perfect plan to getting better with intimacy: get a dog.

My eyes lit up with this revelation.

She then filled me in how a dog was the perfect prep for a boyfriend, how it will make her more warm and affectionate, her top choices for dog (must fit in purse) and friends who’ve rebounded from depression by getting a dog.

I congratulated her on being honest enough with herself to realize she wasn’t totally open to the intimacy she craves. That’s not easy. I also wished her well, if this was what she really wants.
But later that night I wondered if Madame Fifi will become another reason the new guy can’t come over.

If the real issue is wanting to build stronger connections with the opposite sex, than that’s where your focus has to be. A dog can be a beautiful part of your life and more studies prove how smart they really are. But, I have yet to meet the dog who can rub your feet or make pancakes on Saturday morning.

What do you think? Is getting a dog a good way to prepare yourself for a relationship?

Charreah K. Jackson is a writer, editor and certified family life educator. An Atlanta-native, she now lives in Harlem, New York.

I'm Lovestruck . . .

I'm excited for a new column on HeartandSoul.com called Lovestruck.

Here's my first post:

I told myself these would be my Regine years. The years where I would have fun dates learning about life and myself. Have a rotation of guys to take me out on my schedule. Then right around 30 meet my special guy and begin my version of happily ever after, which includes keeping my career and splitting all household duties.

But making plans of course made God laugh. I soon realized quantity wasn’t quality and took a break from the dating scene all together. And as these stories go, the imperfect guy who was perfect for me showed up, and ahead of schedule. Along with splitting kitchen duties when we are together, our happily ever after also included us getting laid off exactly three weeks a part last year. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’m Charreah and I am lovestruck. Not the sappy-can’t-live-without-you kind. But literally spellbound by the power of one word and emotion to transform our lives. And I’m on a mission to do my part to encourage more people to value it, and know what to do when they find it.

In relationship workshops I host, I always ask why spend so much money on dating from new hairdos to dinner, and not know how to make it work after date three or the first fight?

And for Black women loving Black men, the issues are even more complex.

I look forward to sharing my experiences and those of others with you here. But we all know what can happen to the best-made plans.


Check it out at Heart & Soul's website every Tuesday and Thursday.

Fashion's Night In

I had an amazing time yesterday!! Ending up in Brooklyn mistakenly couldn't even dim the light on a great night.

I went to the Jones Magazine Fashion Preview at the mag's tip of Manhattan office. Already downtown at my job near 8th st, I trained it down. I quickly learned that just because the N now goes local in midtown, it doesnt below 8th st and the train went from Canal St. to Atlantic Ave.

But it all worked out perfectly, as I arrived at the cute office of the North Star Group, which houses the Source and Jones magazines. "From hip hop to high fashion" publisher Londell McMillian of both shared during his talk . . .

I felt like I was at another family reunion with so many fabulous and positive people of color. Well some are family, as a few former Essence coworkers now work at Jones including their Web Director and Glamazon herself Jessica, my fellow HU grad Judene heads up sells for the fashion glossy and more.

It was time to head in the conference room for the presentation by Jessica and the mag's EIC Tracey Ferguson. I was a big fan of the show "Keeping Up with the Joneses" and was excited to see this magazine continue to grow and Tracey, a friend in my head, in person. Up until that point I wasnt sure who the event was targeted for, then realized it was for fashion bloggers. The magazine wanted to invite bloggers in to start to build a relationship. How sexy and smart! Social media is the present and future . . .

I flipped through and could see the growth from the last issue, literally. The magazine was thicker. good sign. The content is AMAZING. Great sign.

Tracey shared the theme of the next few issues (including a Black Girls Rock one) and encouraged those in the room to send ideas. I asked about the realities of going in to high-end businesses for advertising and explaining women like us to the brands Black women covet and they discussed the new grounds the magazine is breaking including a partnership with Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. I felt an excitement I didn't realize had waned. I was known as the magazine-loving girl in college , and hanging with the Jones crew made me remember why. As Londell said, Jones is the little magazine that did!


It all felt full circle, as the gift bags were from Motions, one of the clients at my firm. Leaving out I ran into my old Essence cube mate and surrogate big sister Bridgette. Be sure to check out her blog, Black Bridal Bliss, which she still manages to update while styling for People Style Watch. Work! That's what we as Black women have mastered.

I am filling out my subscription card (something I haven't done in YEARS) and cant wait for my next issue to arrive. Be sure to check out the magazine, the Jonesmag.com site and support a brand that is supporting us!!