I'm Done!!!

April 27, 2007

Yep, Im officially an alumna of Howard University and all the grades are in (Gotta tell mama Im Magna Cum Laude and a Thank Ya Laude too:) Yes, by all means I will accept a toast in my honor but only one shot because I realized last year how many calories alcohol has and if I am fortunate enough to get this trip to Jamaica, my hips can't afford a soco lime shot . . .ok, maybe one in memory of the best summer EVER. lol.
Well, now that I have completed my degree, I have a confession: I would completely be fine NEVER feeling the pressure to have to use it!
Now, I know I admitted to being sleep deprived but Im not crazy. really.
It's just the deeper I got in college, I realized I would be completely fine not having to be the breadwinner and being a "kept" woman. Meaning if I married a guy, who on top of being a match as my mate, also was financially secure so our well-being didn't rest on me pulling half that'd be just fine.
It shocked me when I first realized I would be ok with that because Ive always prided myself on my independence and gave my mom many headaches with my huffs of "I can do it"
But it just would be great to do what you really want to do and fully apply your talents if this months rent wasn't priority number one.
Speaking of being a kept woman, I have to slide a little Beyonce talk in. I know, I know, but I can't resist:)
It's just I love 'Flaws and All' and the video is cute I. And after jamming to the song and daydreaming on a love like that on comes her version of "Kissing You", though I didn't even know there was an original till Whit told me. So on comes "Still Loving You" and I try and get into it and everytime I find myself rolling my eyes. She's belting and so emotional and Im like don't cry about being away from JayZ because you NEVER have to be away from him a day in your life if you don't want to. So many other women with husband's who are in the army, working three jobs to take care of five children or incarcerated, would do a lot for a chance to never have to be away from their man.
So Beyonce, love ya girl, but you get NO sympathy for whining about being away from your boo.
Now I understand if you're crying you still love him after really losing him like "Principle Grier" on The Game on Monday. I was skaing my head after her tirade thinking she should have held back, though Im suspect of a black guy who is the ONLY black person among his closest friends . . .but her stats of 42 percent were pretty accurate from my thesis research.
Back to my "kept woman" thing, well, just to be clear it's not the same as a trophy wife.
Now, Im not with Whit's plan of being "Trophy Wife," though we differ on what a trophy wife is and debated whether in some couples we knew the wife was a "trophy wife." I mean, I think I have Upgrader potential and am a great socializer and hostess but I wouldn't want what I can do for your image to be the reason we were together and I wouldn't want a guy who liked women who used him for what he could do for them.
But I am saying, if I found a guy and we were a match, and he happened to be able to hold us down, that would be a sweet icing on the carrot cake Id perfect making for us as I relax and write the books swirling in my head.
just being real,
CJ .

Research Follies

April 22, 2007
Maybe it's the sleep deprivation but over the last few days I have really felt like a "magnet kid" - what me and BF call our moments of laughing at things that only a nerd would find hilarious. Her all time favorite is still the one when we're talking and someone says slave wages and I'm all serious as I huff out "that is such an oxymoron Slave. Wages. slaves don't make money, that's why there called slaves."
So what does this have to do with anything?
Well I've finished my two research paper, one for business law and the other for marketing and turned in my honors senior thesis today (70 pages on black college women and marriage. very interesting stuff). And though Ive turned in the pages all those interesting yet totally useless facts I learned along the way are swirling in my head. I should really be finishing my last paper for Caribbean Art Histroy I present tomorrow and will officially make me a B.A. having, well, B:) but Id much rather share . . .
*Spell Check.
Now i've noticed over the years some words I use all the time and know are words are not in microsofts spellcheck. But it through me off when it didn't recognize "maternalistic"
If that weren't bad enough the options to replace with were "materialistic" and "paternalistic." That's whats wrong with the world- don't respect moms, too into material things and think men run it all:)
* In my blaw paper "Biggie-Sized Negligence" on booming litigation in fast food, I used a transcript from ABC News's Nightline and quickly lost my appetite as it read,"You wanted a hamburger 30 years ago, it probably came from a small processing plant or a little butcher shop. And there were probably pieces of one cow or one steer in that burger. If you get a fast food hamburger, that one patty probably contains pieces of hundreds, if not thousands of different cattle, from as many as five different countries, all ground up together because these hamburgers patties are coming from factories that produce a million pounds of ground beef a day."
Well, part of the reason I was up till five editing my papers was because I had a hard time focusing Sunday and that had nothing to do with me watching Charm School . . .twice. Be sure to check Cori's blog!! I was distracted because my piece on Preachers being the foundation for MCs posted on Giant and I happen to come across it.
I loved that interesting connection of rappers and reverends from William Jelani Cobb's book. Im still so intrigued by something so obvious yet i never thought about it . . .much like the Beyonce/drag queen thing. I get it guys. I really do! (cough)
That article and finals and girl talk at Hooters tonight really have me realizing that Im about to be a straight up grown woman. Now if I could just get this job thing together. Trying to open up some opportunities so wish me luck. Know any magazine jobs in ny DO share!

Still a queen-to-be.

The Countdown Continues

April 21, 2007
I got up this morning and started grinning as I ran around the corner to yell at my roomie "WE GRADUATE IN THREE WEEKS" I have been so overwhelmed and overworked it really hadn't sunk in at all Im actually about to graduate from college and have a degree! But eating soul food Thursday mac&cheese (gotta love HBCUs:), getting the highest grade in the class on my marketing test (in a class with actual marketing majors!), and my cousin calling excited she got my graduation invitation and checking if we're still having the cook out at her house after the ceremony (which your all invited to on May 12th) opened my eyes up!
On the free minutes I have gotten lately I daydream about traveling the globe as something inside me has been burning to see the world.
I applied for this trip to Africa I hope I get and will cry either way when I find out. Either for tears of joy or . . . yeah, let's just hope its good news. I was all for working at a magazine in South Africa back in November till I punked out thinking I may not know what Im getting into with a whole other type of racism in the remnants of apartheid and the sun's kiss to my skin feeling like a smother.
But I can do it (in the Bobby Oshea voice from Water Boy).
I can, I can! And I will!
In the fall I got my mom to sign her and her ex-hubby-a-la-my-pops to send me on a trip for graduation. Then the rent reality sunk in and I thought their support could be better used for help for like I dont know, a bed:)?
But that want to see the world, and you know Im a conspiracy theorist so I take the advice of revolutionary activists to always keep your passport current because you never know when you'll need to get out of here, led me to applying for my renewed passport last week. Though sadly on the sheet when it said when and where are you going I had nothing to actually put. Like always, i got there just in enough time as I hustled across the street to get my new passport pic (inserted to the right) at CVS after paying.
Then last week me and Whit were talking again about how we should head to Egypt after graduation.
That $1400 plane ticket quickly put the breaks on for me.
As life is always weirder and more coincidental then any book I've read, this week this 2005 alum is saying shes heading to Cairo as a state ambassador and Im like I need to be heading to Cairo and me and my homie were just talking about Egypt!
So yeah. I really, really want and need to see the world.
Ok. Just had to put that out there.
If you are heading anywhere and have a little room in that suitcase just let me know.
My renewed Passport should be here in May.

The Love Below

April 18, 2007
This is for you Mademoiselle:)
Me and Mikey had a pretty interesting convo a few weeks back as Beyonce's 'video anthology' hit YouTube.
Now we both are big B' fans, as our tipsy nights in the Village blasting Deja Vu on our ipods(you know, when I felt the weight of what's it like to be different from everyone around you as the only straight person on the pier) last summer.
So it completely shocks me when he calls her out as a wanna-be drag queen with her dances. She dances like a gay man and emulates gay culture he says and Im completely dumbfounded.
As I sprout off how can a woman who is well, a woman, be dancing like a man who's trying to dance like her?
He points out her 'entourage' in Freek Um dress and I have to admit he has a point.
He says we already know her choreographer is gay. I give a little more.
He adds that whole 'Snap for the kids' in Get Me Bodied (LOVE THAT VIDEO!) isnt for some children of Destiny but 'kids' alludes to gay men, something I had no idea of.
My argument continues to deflate.
I mention it to The Bad Girl and she tells me how Mama Tina has her three gay men entourage that go with her everywhere and were at the shoot (Yes, Whit actually got to go the Beyonce shoot last summer . . .yes, you are allowed to hate her for it:) so, she get it from her mama?
Naw, Naw. Beyonce's a woman though, I want to scream. A woman who wants to be a woman. He says how all the gay clubs kill the music and she knows what she's doing.
I give trying to argue and retreat to my ignorance cuz its comfortable as hell.

Then girl talk with LaToya leads to talking about the fellas. Im telling her what I think of this guy she likes(only because she asked), and just my philosophies on relationships and she hits me with this:
"I feel you have a slight penis."
I'm dumbfounded yet again.
Do I really come off as boy-like in the mind? Underneath all the huff and puff I really am a romantic.
Wait though, is that how guys are? With zero game Im still trying to figure em out, but I hope when I do, I don't find myself looking at myself.
Her comment really had me going me.
Then I smile . . . Maybe I really am a Chocolate Beyonce:)


P.S. Mikey totally lost the only Beyonce debate that matters . . .he said Freekum Dress was better than Get me Bodied. WHAT????????????

Hate This Post is Necessary

April 17, 2007

So, I have been having lots of thoughts running through my head to put a new post on this blog. Went grocery shopping last week and bought this box of 'Buckwheat' Aunt Jemima pancake mix that totally made me look twice.

Have been swamped with work but got my senior thesis done rounded out at 57 pages. Yay!

Was truly blessed and encouraged after this amazing sermon Sunday at chapel by Otis Moss III.
Bought 40 more invitiations and sent to my mom to round out or count to 100 for people that are getting invitations to my graduation. (My party is on June 16th in Atlanta, let me know if you can come!!!:)

Then I'm back with my student dentist (the dental cutie was hanging around too:) yesterday getting a filling on tooth 12 when the supervising dentist and professor comes in to tell us 22 students at Virginia Tech are DEAD.

Im thinking she can't be right. They just were shot. One person can't kill that many people . . .can they?

So like all of you Im sure I continue to watch the news and the weight of the situation sinks in.

In the school of c counseling office. Number has risen to 26 dead, more than 20 injured.

Go to the Yard to pick seats for Bison Ball. See AKAs coming out but too cold to stay.

See men putting up the graduation bleechers on the Yard and we scream!

Go to library. Count is now to 31 dead.

I wonder allowed. "Where do they keep finding more bodies?"

Then I realize, these are the same bodies.

Some just didn't make it.


But I still think something may be wrong with me because the news isn't really sinking in like it should.

I can't get sad though I know I should be.

Who is the killer I wonder? How did this happen?

Throughout the night I keep looking for updates.

I get up this morning and do my last minute study think for Judo.

I watch Robin on GMA and like her red suit. I turn to CBS.

He's holding a picture of this smiling brunette . . .a freshman.

She's dead.

Shot in French class. I feel it. I feel the pain. I feel Edith's facebook status "That could have been us"

I read CNN and students are quoting saying how they had to play dead. The shooter left, with a class of 25 only 4 of them not shot. He hears them talking once he leaves. Comes back. They have to pile up against the door so he cant come in because the door wont lock. He starts shooting through the door.
I think Douglass Hall. I can feel.
Honestly, I just needed to write this for myself to look at my hands move across the keyboard. Be thankful Im alive and come to gripes with the world we live in.


Lightening Myself Up

April 10, 2007
Since about a year ago I've been wondering am I too black?
So yeseterday, I lightened myself up.
As I scrolled through my resume I took the period off the initial and spelled my whole middle name
I replaced my 'Decatur Where it's Greater' address with a sleek Harlem one (though it had more to do with wanting it to be clear I have a place to stay in the city and can begin working the monday after graduation)
Only on paper would I even think I looked too black because I love the skin Im in. And even though I did try and lead you on to think I had really lost my mind and put something on my skin to ligten me up like my Jackson kin, Im not making light of (no pun intended . . .really) that serious history of black people so socialized that black is inferior, that they ruined and bruised their skin and faces trying to become lighter.
But last year reading our internship assignments I felt extra black as it read under my name:
C. Jackson
Essence Magazine
Howard University

Decatur, GA
Just one of those lines would have hinted to my race. So all four together made me think anyone who read it really thought I was going to be Halle Berry in B.A.P.S.
As I prepare for the job search I am clear I would love to work for any good publication - not just a "black magazine."
I was told last week "You have to make them comfortable around you"
Is this a good thing? No.
Is it reality? Yes.
You work too hard and long not to be comfortable around the people you work with. So I'm making myself on paper the person I am in reality, a people person who likes, well, people. I'm flexible and open enough to make my circle peg fit in a square one.
One of my little high school poems that made me feel like India Arie in the Poetry Cafe we put on, and got me the nicknames "juicy" and "blackberry" afterwards, popped back in my head.
Beauty and the Black
If black is beautiful
and the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice
when you say I'm too black
am I just too beautiful?
am I just too sweet?
is it I'm just too juicy?
Or in your eyes, am I just too black?


*I know it's way early to be starting poetry ciphers but when the mood hits .. .

Imus Suspeneded

April 9, 2007

Read this story. Then see the part when he's talking to Sharpton, gets frustrated and says "I can't get anywhere with you people."

That's why that apology just won't due.

Who the hell is "you people?"

And the irony of it all is this is the guy who wants to call someone "nappy headed" with a squierrel on his head.
Hope your Easter was a good one.
I said I was giving up cussing because it's so unlady like. right?


Good Times.Girl Power . . .Again (so necessary!)

April 7, 2007
Well, If life is really like a musical like my secret lover 3000 and my homie Brilliant Brown say, I am loving this scene a whole lot.
Yesterday was phenomenal.
I know, I know.
I say that everyday.
But seriously, after almost losing my life Thursday bench pressing for my final in weight training it was great to really feel alive.
I went to the first annual Global Visionary Awards hosted by the School of Communications to honor extraordinary women. And yes, they were as haute and high and mighty as it sounds at the Four Seasons in Georgetown with Lebron James in the lobby before two escorts meet me and take me downstairs.
I don't get to iron my suit and really primp like I want b/c of a problem relating to michael's post. I get their and they are just ending the silent auction reception before the luncheon begins. The room is decorated amazingly. As I look at all the beautiful black people I wish I could have worn a dress but they asked us to wear suits and Ive done a lot more for a good free meal.
I sit with some other students and we have a ball. I look back and squint my eyes trying to place where I know this lady from at the table behind me. It's Fredricka Whitfield from CNN.
Michelle Miller enters the luncheon in this fly aqua suit and matching purse with her husband Marc Morial, CEO of the Urban League, and a son who looks just like him. They head to a table at the front.
At this table sits the luncheon's honoree Sheila Johnson, who me and my godmom were just talking about right? Also at the table is Nancy Wilson. And I am trying to be calm and concentrate on cutting my shrimp so it doesn't fly off the table.
The speaker was Robin Roberts from Good Morning America and she was absolutely hilarious. her parents went to Howard and mom is sitting in the audience quick to correct her. Her scholarship to come to HU was $300 not $100. "Big Difference" Robin says and continues to be hilarious. She steps on my toes talking about how she had to get out of her comfort zone, which for her was sports. After the luncheon she's signing a copy of her book for me and tells me she likes my suit and I definitely feel good I wore the suit:).
Dr. Johnson is amazing and when I talk to her afterwards she lights up as I tell her my godmom was the woman she met at her resort and she laughs remembering how she hugged her.
I get back to campus and quickly change clothes to go see the Delta's come out.My homie Yasmine looked amazing and they were so cute in these "collegiate" sweater outfits.
Then me Shani, Arion, and Mikey head to Alero for happy hour. Those margaritas did me in as my shattered glass proved and we resolved the "Beyonce is A Drag Queen" debate. *Mademoiselle M a post is coming soon with all the juice. thanks for asking:)
I spotted Alison Bethel, a former Hilltopper as she was coming in and as we are leaving we go say hello. She is a big time journalist who has chilled in the Oval Office and still as cool as she wanna be. She mentions she was just talking about me to her organization, The D.I.V.A.S, who I saw come out last week.
She ask had we heard about her new job.
We hadn't.
She tells us she is the new EIC of the Nassau Guardian - in the Bahamas! She's heading on a one-way ticket Monday and I am amazed and so glad we ran into her. Not only are they taking care of her apartment and a car - she's moving to the freaking Bahamas! You know I will have to take her up on the offer to visit:)
i get back to my room to change clothes for Cotton Club and let the margaritas wear off. After all this girl power I get slammed back to reality reading about Imus's comments about the Rutgers Women's basketball team.
That reinforced why girl power is important. It's fighting back against ignorance that likes to rob dignity and can be suffocating.

Cotton Club was so much fun and everybody looked great. see:)?

Today I got up and worked on the thesis then went to lunch with the girls. Walking to the car I see these bushes - frosted with snow. It's April 6th and tomorrow is Easter, Global Warming is not a joke.
Leaving lunch this guy offers to take a picture of us then his drunk friend jumps in as the lady with them starts saying move to the left, then sings irreplaceable as the guy in the picture says "oh yeah, riding dirty" and they sing chamillionaire and Im thinking do these white people really think that makes me think their "down?" WTF?
We hit friendship heights for shopping. I got this cute 70s-ish dress I can't wait to wear but most importantly got the new GIANT with Eve on the cover along with some other mags including Ebony with Halle on it and the 150 black power players and Upscale with Jada looking phenomenal.

Girl Power Still Rocks.
A great weekend, indeed.
End Scene.

Girl Power!!!

April 4, 2007

Last night I and the Bad Girl had the pleasure of hearing Lisa Price, founder and owner of Carol's Daughter. She was so amazing. She was honest, funny and completely a breathing example dream's come true. I know I was a bit cliche' by wearing my Almond Cookie Oil but I was excited. She kept referring to Carol's Daughter as her baby - well she noted she's a teenager now - and throughout had these wonderful analogies to entrepreneurship and motherhood - the sacrifices she made for her baby and she def deserves to be a proud mama. She then told us she has two sons like 9 and 11 and just adopted a baby girl.
Girl Power!
"She's from Brooklyn." That's what she says laughing as she shares how people always assume she adopted the baby from another country. Me and Elle were just in the Harlem store and I told her so.
Then today I go hear Michelle Miller from CBS News and Michelle Hord who use to be the senior producer of Good Morning America, produced for the Oprah show and is THE talent director for ABC News. Heavy hitters, grads of the school and great speakers (I see why there in communications:)
Girl Power!
Mel B, who we all know from her days in the Girl Power Super group Spice Girls, goes and has her baby on Eddie Murphy's birthday who she claims and I think is the dad. True Girl Power!
*So even if its not his he'll always think of the kid on his birthday .
Now, some guys love to call girls feminist because we are for the upliftment and equality of women. In the last two days Ive been called a feminist . . . twice. Both times it was said as if being a feminist is a bad thing when honestly my comments were only in support of women kind. I read Davinci Code. I know how women have gotten played to the left throughout history. But seriously, they saying Im a feminist with such venom is like Fox news calling Barack Obama a racist because his church is pro-black. ridiculous. Just because Im trying to catch up doesn't mean Im trying to tear any other group down.
"Girl Power" for women of color has always been an interesting balance. Are we black or woman first? Would you feel more like yourself as a black man or a white woman? What's worse? Sexism or Racism?
Well, the presidential race has brought those two identities to the limelight. I prematurely thought the Hilltop had wrongfully left off Obama on a chart today on money candidates had raised for the primaries (sorry roomie!:) Then she "learned" me (just paying homage to my southern folks who switch learned and taught . . .how that happens, i dunno) that he hadn't released the numbers. Well, he did after seeing everybody elses. He beats seasoned Hill Clinton. Read more. Good stuff. For someone who has always raised less money in his campaigns this is a really big deal. Im reading his book 'Dreams from my father' and truly would love to see him as president. Did I tell you guys about that time I saw him at Reagan real low key? only with one aide?
So girl power also means owning your sexuality. Me and Mikey have been having this "debate" on Beyonce emulating gay culture. He wins.
speaking of being sexy . . .sometimes when you're sexual energy is high your considered a vixen . . .speaking of Vixen, checked out my clip on Vibe Vixen's website? ok, ok. I know that was a WACK way to try and lead into my short piece on eyeglasses but I feel like I talk too much about myself on this blog . . . I just am reaaaaally excited. can you tell?
Well, Im jamming to Amy Winehouse's first album Frank thanks to Mikey and aboard the band wagon proudly waving my British flag.

Queen who hearts Girl Power!

The O Zone

April 2, 2007
So yesterday, like a true drama queen, I had a good cry. Then this morning like the cheesy Destiny's Child song - I put on that happy face. Life is good, real good, and I cant let the small stuff cloud my vision to forget that. My best blessing to date is a mama who is wise enough to see through my layers and a big enough heart to put up with me.
So now that Im done with the melodramatics I have to tell you about my AWESOME day.
This morning I go to my dentist appointment because its MUCH cheaper to get your dental work done at the dental school on campus. It's really inspiring (and a bit freaky) to see all these dental students seeing students like me and the dentists/professors correcting them on things. So my dental student takes my xrays. The old dentist loves talking to me and I love his stories.He went here years ago, served in the army and Vietnam. Asks me if I have a boyfriend. Tells me the moment he realizes his daughter is a woman "Oh lawd. When did my baby get a ass?" Well, I must have picked a busy day because the xray developing downstairs was backed up so they sent me away and told me to come back later in the week.
I get back to my room. I check my email. Now I have been applying for a few jobs and trying to get my network on for potential jobs so my heart always beats a little fast when opening my email.
My heart stopped. Then started again. Then jumped in my throat as I read the subject of one of my emails: "Ms. Oprah Winfrey to Speak at Commencement"
Oprah freaking Winfrey is speaking at my graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It get's NO better. Ya dig? At a meeting for our School of C exercise early March everyone was saying the speaker was going to be BIG. When you say big these days it could only be Oprah or Obama. I couldn't even get up the courage to hope for Oprah.
I share the news immediately with my BFF then we call our moms and I tell all my fellow bison I know.
I go meet up with Celeste and we hang on the yard.I love it, even if I do feel like a dinosaur around all these freshman. I go to my Business Law professor's office to go over my first test I failed - and had one of the highest grades in the class.
I drop by Professor Lamb's and use her as an excuse to get Starbucks and take her back a Frap. We talk about the new Heart&Soul and her write up about her boating experience inside, which made me want to travel - much like my Vixen horoscope said I would be feeling. I ask her to bring me a copy because my write up taking back an item without a receipt is inside (thanks to great interview with the Budget Fashionista!)
I get back to my room and for the second time today my email box makes me jump up and down out of excitement(literally). You know I LOVE me some Giant magazine and went to Borders Saturday just to pick up the new issue with Eve which they didn't have . . but I did finally get Obama's Dreams from My father and some other books. One of the editors from Giant liked my pitch on Reality TV taking out the regular black chic, let me write it and posted the piece on the site. Im so pumped! Check it out and do leave a comment.
Im still cheesing and have great friends who make me smile (like Tara who shouted me out. Thanks girl!)
I sooo thought Chance was going to win "I Love NY." not that I watch that show. cough.
So it has been an amazing day . . .Oprah . . .GIANT.
Im really enjoying this moment.
Moment's over.
Back to work.

p.s. I hate there's no other phrase to use but "Shout's out" to my girl Razzi and all my other buddies, or non-buddies who read the blog and don't comment. I love the invisible love just the same. Thanks for reading!