So I really need to tell what happened to me last night. Without telling what happened to me last night. I was invited by someone I stand to learn a lot from to tag along to a movie premiere. I didn't have any concrete plans other than to catch up on much needed sleep after staying out very late the night before party hopping with some buddies (if you are on facebook you can checkout the pics:) and cleaning up my room that looked like my closet and drawers had thrown up all over my bed and the floor.
So I sign on to tag along. Thirty minutes before the event began the person who invited comes and tells me she can't go and if I still can go. I am not excited to go by myself but she really wants someone to go and share what happened so I accept. Then she hands me the email with all the info and I CRINGE!
Like I said, I really don't want to put it all out there, so let's just say there was a guy. A guy I really thought was for me. Who's family had roots with mine Somebody I thought was really for me. I did all I could to make this guy want me, even as I hustled trying to do well in school and all types of other extracurricular. Well, in the end the guy didn't want me. And strangely I felt a freedom through the rejection. It became so clear that this guy really was not for me right now and every thing worked out the way it should. maybe one day . .. but not today. But if you really know me you know who the guy is, and that there really is no guy . . .and why do I bring him up?
Well, the movie was about him! I had to go to this thing. Alone. Surrounded by his family.
Well I arrive. Say why I am there and who I am representing. I hit the open bar with a quickness. It is completely ok to wear jeans to my office. However, I just haven't had the nerve. Not at least until the Friday of my third week. The same day I am invited to this thing. So not only am I alone. Uncomfortable. But I don't even feel fly which is usually my safety emotional net.
After my first drink, calling my mom and friends to share my feelings of frustration which turns into me even more frustrated with my mom trying to explain to her why I can't get one of the world's biggest conglomerate's to speed up my little check.
I go to the bathroom both are full. Which is completely expected in the twilight zone I was in. I didn't even really have to go, just wanted to get my barrings. As I wait, a familiar face comes up. Thankfully its not one of his family members wondering why I am there. It is Celie to me. . . or to the world. Tony -Winning -Actress-Oprah-elbow-rubbing LaChanze from Broadway's 'Color Purple.' The movie is by far one of my favorites. But I am no star-struck girl. I just check her out and am a little jealous of her tight weave that she is rockin the hell out of. And she is doing a dance. Not that I just won a Tony, I am on top of the world jig. But the I really gotta go tango. So we knock on the door, and realize that the ladies in there aren't even using it, just primping. They are ready to reply we are busy, until they see her face and quickly change there tune. They come on out, she looks at me and I tell her to go ahead. All this is in a matter of a two minutes, but it was all I needed to shake off my cloud of funk. After hitting the bathroom, I grab a grey goose cranberry from the bar and let a smile hit the corners of my face. They unveiled a painting of the people instrumental in his birth, and even a direct descendant of those folks spoke. In her old age she was very entertaining and shared some interesting info on her mom. The documentary/with acting was very good. Though I went there thinking someone had played a cruel trick on me, I left feeling like the queen I am. Realizing I was ok with the way things ended between me and him. Though I don't know what the future holds, I really don't want to get with him nor do I ever want him to be able to claim my success for his own. But I guess we will just have to wait and see.
A happy and free Queen-to-be
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"A woman who is willing to be herself and pursue her own potential runs not so much the risk of loneliness as the challenge of exposure to more interesting men -- and people in general." - Lorraine Hansberry
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i absolutely love this blog...ur an amazing writer...i love having famous friends...well ur not there yet, but i've already claimed it for you.