Admissions.

I truly hate . . .
. . .when Air Conditioner water drips on me
. . .anything that robs children of their childhood

I don't like . . .
. . .not being able to travel as much as I want
. . .being away from my best friend and other buddies
. . .when people you've never seen or heard of (not talking friends of friends you've seen on mutual friend's pages or or any of my fab new friends over the summer) just shoot you an empty friend request you on facebook. I feel guilty for not accepting but I don't know you and you haven't clued me in on how you know me. Momma said don't talk to strangers;).
. .. speaking of mommas, when I'm too short with mine. Why do I have the least patience with the one who loves me the most?
. . . that I have regrets.

I like . . .
. . .doing grown women things.
. . .hosting friends over.
. . .that people actually read the blog (hey roomie;)
. . .how my makeup game is improving
. . .when a guy you didn't expect checks you out.

I love . . .
. . .pedicures, spa dates, anything that pampers
. . .magazines. (if you ever want to give me a gift, a magazine subscription will do just fine.)
. . .kids
. . . dresses!
. . .traveling
. . .the possibilities of the future
. . .laughing to my abs hurt

just my morning ramblings,
CJ

Know some single guys?

ah lad-ies,

If you know any single guys in the NYC area between 25 and 45 please put us in contact. Essence is gearing up for the 30 dates in 30 days launch with 5 single women going on 6 dates with each having 6 different guys. The dates are all-expenses paid with some cute girls so let me know if you know any guys email me at cjackson@essence.com. Graci!

And I admit it, I have really been enjoying handing out fliers for this thing and approaching cute guys and blurting out "Are you single??":)

Friday I was a bump on a pickle. And no I dont know what that means but Ms Pesad use to always scream it in eigth grade.
But yesterday I was on it and for the first time felt like the me from last summer. I got up, did some serious cleaning and organization. Then had brunch with my old buddy Nicole at Harlem Tea Room. It was so good to see her. She was the photo intern last summer and is freakishly talented and such a sweetheart. Check out her stuff.
We then head to the Harlem Week street fair on 135th. I feel like I'm in Atlanta with all these black people and college booths. Since I didn't make it to Sweet Auburn fest this year this def made up. Ran into a few folks I knew then it was off to Val's Shop and Mingle around the corner.
Along the way we stopped by this little boutique Montgomery on 136th. Well, after they unceremoniously tell us to put down the italian ices we had I look through the three racks and just am not felling the love from these young black folks. Im ready to head out till I see these fierce tan peep toe booties. I am about sold and not b/c of their heavy flattery of how good they look on me, yet when I look at the box it's this brand me and Celeste graduated from at Bare Feet and they are trying to charge double what they should be. . .and as Im walking out the owner comes behind me to ask for the stocking footies I tried on the shoes with back. I didntt hide my disgust that they plan to reuse them:(
So we head to the Shop and Mingle and its FAB! I saw an event for one a while back on Facebook and me and Val became friends. She has great prices for some NICE pieces. All the dresses hanging up are Tracy Reese.
I got all tingly as she shared with Nicole her vision for her online retail business and how the two could work together with Nicole photgraphing for the site. I'm all for branding yourself!
I was good and resisted these sandals as I try and wind down the summer finds for fall. But this Kenneth Cole gold and black dress had my name ALL On it. Val's genuine compliment sealed the deal as shared how many people had tried the dress on and it just didn't work. I felt the same way as this dress that didnt work for me looked amazing on my roomie. And honestly, I wouldnt have felt right not supporting a young black woman doing her thing and was excited as Val checked out Nicole's site and was loving it. Be ye ready when opportunity comes a knocking!
So after my great dress and a great navy Barney's skirt for a STEAL from Val (so I have been schooled by all to def hit the warehouse sale going on the last day!) we head to 125th because my girl Amber was in town and didnt tell me till the last minute.
Seeing her takes me back to high school and Nicole probably saw a side of me she didnt know I had as I cackled and became the nut my high school friends know me to be.
I had a great weekend, feel so refreshed.
Though I must admit at church this morning when the preacher was saying that verse about how can you love God whom you never seen and not your brother you see every day I felt a bit conflicted. I don't have hate in my heart for anybody fortunately but there are a few folks i've fallen out with over the years.
And though all is forgiven on my part Im still not sure about that whole reconciliation thing. Baby steps. right?
. . .And speaking of steps, Im so proud of Ms Whit for starting acupuncture on the road to weight lost and finding us worthy of a blog post. I admit my body image has gone a little haywire living in NY and not working out like I was before has been frustrating (who knew Id miss Master Alpha and his dinasour feet??). Luckily I havent gained any, but after consistently losing the weight I gained last summer, I am at a standstill. So after having intentions to work out for the last months I finally found my workout calling: Hip Hop Aerobics DVDs!!
I was a bit skeptic of the instructor on the cover: blond and looking every bit like a houswife from Wisteria Lane. Well, Kimmy worked it out and I didnt even realized I had worked out till I reached to set my alarm and felt those abs:) If anybody wants to give me a gift in the next few weeks please tell em more dvds please. lol.
Seeing Amber and Nicole allowed me to check out myself and see if I've changed. I have definitely grown as I finish eating Brie and crackers with my roomie. But from this long post its clear some things never change. At dinner Saturday with Shani, Charisse and Arion I had a flash back to 5th grade when my sweater could tell you what I had for lunch . . .

Hilary Clinton's Black Husband

You know that second when a joke just goes tooo far. Well, Hilary Clinton has definitely taken it there with her comment at the NABJ conference that she was in an interracial relationship. Check out Roland's Post on it because this has gotten out of control. Bill Clinton is NOT Black and because he plays the saxophone and cheats on his wife doesn't give him a ghetto card. It's insulting, and so convinenet with Hil feeling the heat of the Obama train to try and say, well, my husband's Black. Really? Read his post on her wack explanation for convientely having a "Black" accent when she was south.

Bill Clinton
Southern, Yes.
Black, No. And I doubt in his worst nightmare does he want to be.

Only as I get older does it sink in how hard it is to be a Black man in this country.

CJ

Best of times . . .

. . .So Tuesday I did go to that party with Bilal, Cheri Dennis and J.Holliday. My first industry party on that scale and YBF even blogged about it:) I told y'all I thought my mojo was on and it seems, I was right! I was wearing this new dress I got and enjoying attention from some guys with there stuff together (though it made me nervous when two guys complimented me on it making me thing the girls were having too much of a good view:). Then I headed to the bar with one of my editors after the opening act with Nicole Ray's little brother, then she comes out and they do this weird serenade to each other a al Brandy and Ray-J with her in these cowboy boots. I am enjoying being introduced to my editor/big sister's industry friends when she hugs this tall, gorgeous chocolate man named Nashawn. She then puts the spotlight on me and goes "Who is this?" Other than God I have no immediate inkling on where I should know him from so I blurt out Akon's brother (WAAYY CUTER than Akon but I had to say something:)
She then tells me he was on Desperate Houswives and Entourage - two cult addictions I never got in to and at that moment I'm hating myslef for not watching. He is giving me that eye and I'm wishing I would have kept that Akon statment to myself so I hit him with,"I am not sure were I should you know you from but you're definitely beautiful." The rest of this story is saved for my diary;)
The concert is great, I see a few folks I already know, folks I wanna know like Mona Scott, folks I wanna be like some journalists I admire and folks who I'd rather just know from afar like Ed Lover who was dissapointing as the night's host. *YBF's pics of Bilal and the rest are way better . . .
Wednesday I sat my butt on our couch again for another week of House of Payne blogging and Thursday I saw my homie Sarana. Seeing her just made me nostalgic for the care-free summer I didnt have partying every night like I did last year. But the difference is I live here now. So after seeing her I was happy to go home and wash clothes because between me and you I was getting low on undies . . .

Friday feeling a little down I walk through the door ready to crawl under the covers because I had been so cold all day with the cool weather outside. Well, as soon as I walked through the door roomie and her friends yell "You want some tequilla???" I shake my head no, start to head down the hall, then on second thought, It's Friday night!, so I join in the festivities, get a few shots and get primped to go out with them.

Like my new 'do? I really really wanted to get micros and planned on getting them over the weekend until a lady at work said it was probably best I not. With no perm I thought it wouldnt take my hair out, but I guess I'll play it safe. Is it me or is that song on Ne-Yo's album with J-Hud one of the best songs of the year??
Saturday I was bad and did a little shopping and returned my way overdue library books. I tried like two weeks ago to take them back, but the library didnt have a drop box for afterhours return - it's a conspirarcy. What library doesn't have a drop box???
Yesterday, I went to church and God forgive me but this church my friend from work invited me to had the cutest guest preacher ever up there and he was young and single, so no guilt, then I remembered he was a minister so stopped my wayward thoughts. The message was even better and I could really relate, so I might have to find his church in Brooklyn for the right reasons.
After church on 116th it would have been wrong for me no to at least see if my cousin was home at her apartment right aroung the corner on 117th, so I stopped by. In my Sunday morning rush I left my phone at home so I had to just show up and knock and hoped her BF wasnt in town. We ended up grabbing brunch at native then heading to chinatown . .to look for her wedding rings:)
It's not as bad (and cheap) as it sounds. For her boyfriend's 30th birthday she's taking him to Morocco and it's illegal their for unmarried couples to share the same room, so they are faking the funk:) She's really into it and even started getting long-sleeved linen skirts and shirts to make sure she's covered at all times. We find some rings and I am excited to hit my fave SoHo shop, Necessary Clothing. It's guilt-free as I get this cute long-sleeved dress for the fall. Now I am really trying to cut down on my spending and save, save for a rainy day! Because I have to get Sylvia to change it on her blog, I love my current gig, but it's freelance not full time, so for now insurance is on me. I have received so much love and kind messages that I didn't want to be misleading.

CRAZY
UNICEF Germany Ad

SEXY
Girls who read
Be sure to check essence.com
for the updates from the September issue with my girl Jill on the cover. My fav feature is the Shaun Robinson Book Club Party pictures and a photo gallery from her house.

COOL
Teacakes we are still going to get it together and if you're in the NY area and want to get down with our Literary Circle let me know. Next meeting coming soon.

- Queen
also, I lost all my phone numbers so please text me yours.

Mo' Blog Love

So, I got some more blog love! I tell you those fashion bloggers make me look bad updating all the time. This time it was Sylvia over at Steal Style
. After emailing her about our Essence Style Diary we kept in touch and she invited me to participate in her down to business segment. I was so pumped to be asked. And only y'all know my secret that I totally re-used some of the same answers I gave to Zandile. SHHH:)!
Tonight I'm off to a showcase with Bilal, Cheri Dennis and J. Holiday. My Cosmogirl.com horoscope for today said my mojo is on so I'll let you know how it goes:). And after being inspired by fly girl Kish yesterday I finally submitted this pitch I had for a men's magazine and actually might get a green light.

So after two fabulous fellow young black chicks showed me love on their blogs, I totally agree with Beyonce on her girl power tour to surround herself with women and the power of female friendship. I didn't make it to her concert *tear,* but I definitely am feeling that whole Flaws and All love.

Love you girls!
CJ

*The original BAPS knew Decatur was definitely where it was GREATER! East Side all day;)

Like a Giant Tree

stepping out to the sky. We are a family . . .
yeah, you got it. I broke out my Dreamgirls dvd last week while cleaning up the tornado that hit my room after my mom came to visit. It was an interesting time and we had a lot of fun filled with two of my faves: eating and shopping. There were a few bumps in the road as one of my editors still hasn't forgiven me for not bringing my mom and aunt by when they were in the office, but seeing Color Purple again, eating some good food and not having to pay the bill and watching my mom on the train all still bring a smile to my face. I ain't going to shame my mom by telling that story;)

My mom's sister also came in town from Chicago to see her daughter, my cousin who stays on 117th. Saturday night the four of us went to the friend of one of their friends my mom hadn't seen since college but my aunt had kept in touch with. Watching them laugh and reminisce mad me nostalgic for my college friends and also excited to know at 55 we'll still be laughing at J-Rock, misspelling Oprah in the Hilltop and how we slept on Kanye at yardfest. And I admit it, I was just excited to break out this Marc Jacobs dress I got for a STEAL:).

Well, I wasted a good dress.
That crowd. I'll just say this: the next day at brunch at Amy Ruth's we all agreed my description of it as a 1995 Easter After-Party was correct . . .
Seeing my mom was good for me, though in less than 20 minutes of us being reunited I bust out in tears. She probably thought I was crazy, but I didn't realize I was stressed until I was in the company of someone I didn't have to be strong in front of. Gotta love family!
And I do, as I headed to Richmond this weekend to yet another family reunion.
This time it was my dads.
Good food. Fun reminiscing. Ten times those uncles/cousins who give you that "you sho'll have grown up nicely" look:)
I finally got bid whist down good and represented life in NY well.
Though it finally sunk in: I am officially cut off by the family.
Now when I was in DC a few weeks ago on the ride back I noticed there were no twenties in my pocket as not a one relative as slide me a dime. After four years of college I guess I got kinda use to having my palm greased a little.
And after more than one aunt and cousin alluding to the fact that I'm making some big bucks, I realized when i probably could use that money the most I had been cut off:) I ain't ballin and my ashy hands can always use a little grease. But it means more that they finally see me as an adult. be careful what you wish for:)
It was so great to see my grandmother and her brother and my shopaholic, meddlesome and meaning-well aunts. You know they hit the mall and back to school tax-free weekend sale. I almost bought the new SJP perfume Covet but after a great time at a beauty sale last week I thought not to. Like I said, my support has dried and a few sample sales are coming:). But I hated to rob this great perfume saler Sandy of her commission. Thought she was so cute in the beret.
On the ride to my cousin's yesterday who would take me to the airport my dad clued me in on some interesting family history that gave me a greater sense of the people who made all this possible. When I got back last night me and roomie hit Village Underground and always have a great time there.
Though as our former Mr. Howard perfomed and I saw a guy I went to middle school with as I was walking out, I was reminded there is no escaping the past - even if you try. That's why family is so important even if they get on that last nerve (dang, did you really have to call me out about my hair?), they help you understand where you came from because it's sho'nuff going to show up wherever you go.

sentimental (or maybe just hormonal:),
CJ

*and speaking of family I wrote our House of Payne blog this week if you happen to blog surf . . .lol

Mo' Better Blues

can I let you in on a secret? More folks read this blog than I realized . . .It's encouraging and fun, and also gets me a little jittery as I put a lot of stuff out there. In Ray there's the a line where the guy tells Ray that if you think pennies you get pennies and Ray says "I'm thinking dollars." Well, I have some dollar thoughts roaming in my head and I'll def keep you posted because they involve, well, you.
I always think, if you are creatively inclined sometimes your powers can be used for evil. For me its my big imagination that loves to tell and hear a good story and that same knack for storytelling had me thinking up this whole plot that someone had sabotoged me (on a blog I imagined down to what it said) simply because someone I adore wasn't returning my emails as fast as I hoped because they were well, being the fabulous person that inspired me in the first place.
So, with that type of thinking I wonder if folks who don't care for me read the blog.

And I know, I know. That's pretty egotistical to think someone who doesnt like me takes the time to see what Im up to. But in my history of girl drama it always happens and unsettles me to hear how folks who would walk right pass me on the street ask my friends for updates on my life.

You guys reminded me that some people come in your life for a season and graduating from college unfortanetly will be the close of the season for a lot of folks I've come to love. But if we're meant to be friends we will be friends. But I wonder about those folks of mutual dislike. If we still effect each other and keep tabs have we really closed the season?