Miss Independent

November 30, 2008

I am loving the love!! Women who are hustling just as much as men are getting our props in pop culture and it feels good. Thank you President and First Lady Obama for showing a superwoman doesn't have to be less to be with a superman. Sarah Palin . . .the jury is still out with a world map in tow. I still jam to Ne-Yo’s “Miss Independent” like it just hit the airwaves. The remix is hot with Jamie Foxx and hearing a chorus of “She Got Her Own” keeps me motivated. 

But I almost went on a feminist rant with my great uncle – on his bday no less. Yeah, common sense was telling me to simmer down but before I knew it the phrase “I was put on this Earth to do more than cook” slipped out of my mouth with some serious passion.

It started innocent. I was making a plate of Thanksgiving dinner leftovers that Friday after a little shopping with my cousins and getting my energy up for some card playing while the Cosby's first season played and Claire Huxtable flitted through the house as mother, wife and career woman extraordinaire . 

My southern mother raised me with manners that I cling to and while I make a plate, I asked my uncle if I could get him anything. He said yeah to fix him a plate. Would have been great if the sentence just ended there. It didn’t. “Yeah I’ll take what you are having, which will be good practice for when you are married.” I laughed and said, yeah, If I’m up I’ll fix it. And if he is, I expect the same.

All weekend he’d asked me and my other female cousins if we can cook as a gauge if we are good marriage material. I hoped my little quip was enough to drop the subject. I was ready to dive into mac and cheese and dressing, both of which I was excited to have a hand in. It wasn’t to be.

He continues. "Well, if you want to get married you better keep those cooking skills strong. After a hard days work a man is going to expect a hot meal and it will be your job to make sure he’s fed a hearty meal." She’s got him spoiled I tell my great-aunt who I see a lot of myself in and is as spry as they come. And blame it on the hunger but I was on the verge of offering a not so peaceful piece of my mind about working just as hard as a lot of guys before reality and the appropriate behavior kicked in. Ok, I may have added something about are we talking about a child or a husband before I dropped it. I am traditional in a lot of ways, but Im not old fashioned. I do enjoy cooking for people, and definitely a guy I like, but NOT because I feel obligated to. Maybe because I had just talked to a chef who I was surprised to learn had never been cooked for by a woman, I came to Thanksgiving with a mental apron wrapped around my waist and ready to learn some new culinary secrets and work on my own. But the notion that this was not just out of love, but my duty just because I am female got me ready to boycott the kitchen and pick up a book.

Just chalked it up to generation differences. Miss Independent lives on.


  1. Nicole said...:

    I'm co-signing with the "traditional but not old fashion" sentiment. I love throwing down in the kitchen out of love, not obligation.
    We both must have Claire Huxtable on the brain because I just mentioned her in my post, too :) Great post, and keep on struttin' in your heels and with an open, loving heart.

  1. Mademoiselle M said...:

    preach it. I def woulda thrown in the wooden spoon and plopped on the couch to sink into a book too girl!

    I am not a chef right now but I do have an interest in learning - not b/c I'm a woman but because I want to be able to take care of my family in that way as my mother took care of us (even after her hard day at work which required just as hearty of a meal!) lol

  1. Tara Jefferson said...:

    Well, I'm really old-fashioned I guess. I do cook every single night and I do make my husband a plate. Every single night. I don't look at it because I'm female I HAVE to do it, but because I want to. Just like my hubby takes out the trash. That's his job. He changes my tire if I get a flat. That's just what men do.

    There's nothing wrong with fixing your husband a plate. Just make sure he gives you a backrub after dinner ;)