So yeseterday, I lightened myself up.
As I scrolled through my resume I took the period off the initial and spelled my whole middle name
"Katie"
I replaced my 'Decatur Where it's Greater' address with a sleek Ha
rlem one (though it had more to do with wanting it to be clear I have a place to stay in the city and can begin working the monday after graduation)
Only on paper would I even think I looked too black because I love the skin Im in. And even though I did try and lead you on to think I had really lost my mind and put something on my skin to ligten me up like my Jackson kin, Im not making light of (no pun intended . . .really) that serious history of black people so socialized that black is inferior, that they ruined and bruised their skin and faces trying to become lighter.
rlem one (though it had more to do with wanting it to be clear I have a place to stay in the city and can begin working the monday after graduation)Only on paper would I even think I looked too black because I love the skin Im in. And even though I did try and lead you on to think I had really lost my mind and put something on my skin to ligten me up like my Jackson kin, Im not making light of (no pun intended . . .really) that serious history of black people so socialized that black is inferior, that they ruined and bruised their skin and faces trying to become lighter.
But last year reading our internship assignments I felt extra black as it read under my name:
C. Jackson
C. Jackson
Essence Magazine
Howard University
Howard University
Decatur, GA
Just one of those lines would have hinted to my race. So all four together made me think anyone who read it really thought I was going to be Halle Berry in B.A.P.S.
As I prepare for the job search I am clear I would love to work for any good publication - not just a "black magazine."
I was told last week "You have to make them comfortable around you"
Is this a good thing? No.
Is it reality? Yes.
You work too hard and long not to be comfortable around the people you work with. So I'm making myself on paper the person I am in reality, a people person who likes, well, people. I'm flexible and open enough to make my circle peg fit in a square one.
One of my little high school poems that made me feel like India Arie in the Poetry Cafe we put on, and got me the nicknames "juicy" and "blackberry" afterwards, popped back in my head.
One of my little high school poems that made me feel like India Arie in the Poetry Cafe we put on, and got me the nicknames "juicy" and "blackberry" afterwards, popped back in my head.
Beauty and the Black
If black is beautiful
and the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice
and the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice
when you say I'm too black
am I just too beautiful?
am I just too sweet?
is it I'm just too juicy?
Or in your eyes, am I just too black?
Queen.
*I know it's way early to be starting poetry ciphers but when the mood hits .. .
You want to know something? When I saw the internship assignments, I was upset b/c I really really really wanted that Essence internship. I looked to see who they gave it to. And I saw your name. And your school. And where you were from. And, I admit, I said, "Damn, it figures."
Not b/c there's anything wrong with you. But I mean, look at what mine said:
Tara Pringle
Reader's Digest
Kent State University
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
None of that really says "black girl who has read Essence cover to cover every issue since 1996" to you, does it? So I had the opposite problem from you. Weird, huh?