Marriage on my Menu

January 5, 2009

Yes, Im still pretty excited about my friend's wedding in April and being a bridesmaid. And thanks to "Girlfriends" Joan, I know not to share my thoughts on the brides blue shiny gowns:) We'll still be gorgeous, and most importantly I get to be a part of one of the biggest days in her life.

And marriage continues to be in the air as ESSENCE launched the 2009 Will You Marry Me couples yesterday. I always LOVED this feature and this year watching the proposals was just as touching - if not more. I had the chance of being an extra at the New York proposal and the Texas couple turned out to be an old friend. When I found out Andrea had been chosen I was so excited!! I couldnt hit her up the day of the proposal so Essence was nowhere on the brain, but she was sure to hit me the next day to see if I knew or had anything to do with it. I knew about it but couldnt take any credit for them being picked even though I was tempted to lie. lol.

Anywho, if you wanna easy pick me up definitely check them out as Black love lives on, and then vote for your favorite couple for the prize of $50,000 towards their dream wedding! Yes, I'm going to Andrea's so, may be a little bias in wanted them to have it:). She definitely deserves great things as a good-hearted teacher in Houston.


  1. kamille said...:

    "Marriage on my menu"
    Brown Sugar! LOL

  1. shara said...:

    i swear i'm the only 20-something woman i know who has absolutely no desire to get married--ever.

    has essence ever done a piece on those women? all the talk about marriage generally turns me off, but that's all i seem to hear these days.

  1. kamille said...:

    Shara, I don't want to get married either -- ever. So you're not alone. I respect the institution and don't mind hearing about it (because it intrigues me) but it's not for me, I don't think.

  1. CJ said...:

    hmmm. There is a story there. Had you guys always felt that way even as little girls? They force that whole princess charade down our throats and then wonder why all these women are waiting for someone to save them . . .

  1. kamille said...:

    Hmmm … good question. I look at it this way ... The way societies work is that there’s always this largely socially constructed value like love, education, morality, spirituality, charity; and then there’s this accompanying institution that is put in place to teach, exercise or -- for lack of a better term -- enforce the value. I grew up adhering to the “by-laws” of these institutions in order to manifest these values (eg. Go to school so you will be an educated person, go to church so you will be spiritual etc.) because that was just the way that I was raised. But through experience, I realized that I have found the purest forms of these values outside the institution. I learned more outside of the classroom than in it … I learned that spirituality is not exclusive to a particular denomination or religion … etc. I can’t imagine marriage being any different. I’m not big on being institutionalized.
    Furthermore, I think that love and marriage as a value-to-institution pair is maligned – yet, ironically, that’s what it’s always paired with. I think marriage has very little to do with love or rather, I don’t think the correlation between love and marriage is a strong as society makes it out to be. Marriage is made out to be one of the purest manifestations of love (outside of family and friendship) but really it’s just an institution that serves specific purposes (of course, I understand that that’s the non-romanticized way of looking at it).
    Anyway … those are my thoughts on marriage. :)

  1. shara said...:

    this might come as a surprise to some people, but i never bought into that princess nonsense. (pardon me while i laugh at that!) i grew up in a house with my single mother who worked and went to school while raising me, so waiting on some negro to sweep me off my feet was never an option.

    i guess my apprehension about marriage stems from seeing people make a mockery of what it is purported to be--a union of two committed individuals who love one another and want to build a life together. of course, the most obvious physical manifestation of that love would be kids.

    however, what i saw was people abusing each other (emotionally and physically), cheating on each other and generally disrespecting the person they had vowed to love. sometimes everybody would know about the side affair(s), but it would have been in bad taste to say anything. so, that person looked like a fool to rest of the world while doting on this person who claimed to be committed.

    don't get me wrong. i've seen successful marriages, but they are definitely the minority. as the divorce rate continues to rise, i just don't see the value in taking "lifetime" vows that will probably be broken before one of the partners dies. i also don't think taking the risk is worth all the pain that comes along with a divorce...that's not even considering the effects it would have on the children.

    then again, maybe i'm just putting too much thought into something that's not even on my radar right now...

  1. shara said...:

    btw, i skipped the princess level and went straight to queen! lol!

  1. CJ said...:

    lol, alright now queen. I think this needs to be a monthly chat;)