Where My Boys At?

January 3, 2009

Yesterday while on 125th after a fresh produce run I ran into a publicist buddy. She was all bundled up as the snow sprinkled the block. After chatting, she invited me to game night at her place later that night. 135th st trumped heading to BK so I was down. Then she mentioned maybe to bring a platonic guy friend to keep the ratio balanced.

Ok I said, then I was stalled, as I realized a guy friend with no feelings on each side who didnt already have plans on Friday may be harder for me to find now then its ever been. I tell her this as the smooth drummer from my church comes up and says hello with his so fresh hairdo. She responds, well bring him as I laugh.

We part and I keep heading down the block and run into the electronics store to pick up a new copy of Love Jones, where Darius's female friend kept their crew going with her many guy friends. I was pumped to discover this store as I try and support more Black businesses. And I was even more excited to see they offered great prices with a nice setup and good customer service. I felt obligated to support the Black record store on 125th last summer. It was on its last leg as the owner, who looked just like Rodge from What's Happening, passed out fliers to protest the city altering the zone and store rent. I paid $24 for Waiting to Exhale there with dust on the shelves and saw it in WalMart for $7 over Thanksgiving. It's since closed.

Once home, I faced the reality I don't hang out as much as I use to and have a ready list of folks hitting me for whats the plan, which Im fine with. And on top of that, even less guy friends. In high school and college I had many guy buddies which I always enjoyed and felt made me better understand the guys I did like and date (and could chime in a "you're too good for him," code for "he's just not into you"). Of course every girl has the stories of a guy she thought was just friends then makes a move you didn't see coming, but hey, they're still men.

What I realized was being bombarded with unwanted male attention we ignore may make more of an impact than I cared to admit, making the "you want something from me" thought prevail. As some women argued they didnt see the need for guy friends, only guys they were interested in and their girls, later that night. I interjected I like having guy friends. I like getting an unbiased opinion from the male mind, from someone who I dont have romantic feelings for. I like having "boys."

But as I sat on my couch I realized I hadn't built any new guy friendships lately and neglected the ones I did have. I had overlooked potential good friends because I didn't see the "something more" potential. Well, I guess I wasnt as out of it as I thought as I had hit up five guys I knew before I knew it-one of which I went out a few times with last year and who was soon dubbed octopus and his calls denied. But he still was good people, I just wasnt interested and didnt have the maturity then to just articulate that. I went from zero to three who were interested in coming and smiled at the quick shift, when I got texts for the address.

The night was a lot of fun, though a drop of my phone proved near fatal, and I didnt get the texts till today from two of the guys checking in about coming through. And I was the taboo CHAMP. There are serious perks to being a writer - we always have synonyms and know that every word counts! Then with any EBP crowd of course convos on relationships (are Black women prudes) and the future of our communities and what needs to be done- which for me are often one in the same, the Black family has to be strong for the community to truly thrive. And I'm looking for more platonic guy friends to include in the convo.


  1. Anonymous said...:

    Now I need to get on the good foot and scurry to NYC so I can be a recipient of these type text messages, Im yo boyyeee!